thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
