He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
