Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I want to have your abortion
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
