Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
