you win again, gameday.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
