If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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