You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
