marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The uberlube is also flammable
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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