matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
