I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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