Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
