Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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