Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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