I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
