We named our party play list daddy issues
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
