So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
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Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
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looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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