Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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