I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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