i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
