The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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