You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
