Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I will pee on everything he values.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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