Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
