1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
