You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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