what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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