So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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