we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
