It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
