in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i love accidental penises.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
