need another drink. this is the easiest way
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
