If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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