we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
