my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
How external is "for external use only"?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
