Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
