He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
