I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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