he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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