Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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