i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
