Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
