I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
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is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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