Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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