let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
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We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
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Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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