yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
