My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
