around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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