If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
