Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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