I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
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I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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