ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
