I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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