the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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