and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
