i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize