well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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