3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
