Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
