i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
