i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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