someone threw a dead crab at me
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
