Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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