I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
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i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
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As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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