I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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